


make an interesting twist

by theonewiththeeyebrows (painfullystoic)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Barebacking, Come Eating, Cooking with cum, Crack Fic, Gag Gifts, M/M, established relationship (future fic), monogamous relationship, sick of your shit, that aren't really gag gifts, versatile
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 08:05:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12931050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/painfullystoic/pseuds/theonewiththeeyebrows
Summary: It starts with a gag gift.But now he's trying to find creative ways to destroy the damn book, but Stiles just keeps ordering it using Derek's Amazon Prime account. Changing the password doesn't help. Perhaps he should cancel the account.





	make an interesting twist

**Author's Note:**

  * For [clotpolesonly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/clotpolesonly/gifts).



> This was inspired by a conversation about Jizz Rolls (or Cinnamon Rolls with Icing because according to someone  
> , they should have sugar and not icing on top). It reminded me of this book that was circulating as a gag gift back when I was in college -- [Natural Harvest](https://www.amazon.com/Natural-Harvest-collection-semen-based-recipes/dp/1481227041/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8), and then I found out that there's a sequel called [Semenology](https://www.amazon.com/Semenology-Bartenders-Paul-Fotie-Photenhauer/dp/1482605228/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0/134-1324569-0727322?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=K59AA0VZ9B8RT4NDVBB9) and thus this was born. 
> 
> There is one other Natural Harvest inspired fic in this fandom - [Heat Treats by ADevilsHunger](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6832114?view_adult=true) and that one is pretty epic. So go check it out.

It starts with a gag gift. 

Isaac thinks it would embarrass Stiles, Erica just cackles like a maniac, Scott gags when he sees the Amazon item page, and Boyd just stares blankly at the lot of them.

But Stiles, Stiles' eyes go wide in wonder as he strokes the cover of the book, and raises his head to look Derek in the eye. It makes Derek squirm a little. There is a smirk playing on the corner of Stiles' mouth that only Derek can see and it makes his dick twitch inside his pants. 

Stiles does his customary groan and covers his face with a big hand, but Derek can tell it's a facade. He isn't _really_ embarrassed. But he is definitely turned on. 

* * *

When Stiles pushes him in the powder room in the middle of his party, Derek goes willingly. Stiles doesn't mince words, instead, he falls seamlessly to the ground scrabbling at Derek's belt buckle and yanking his pants and boxer briefs down to his thighs in one swift move. Stiles' mouth is soft and warm and wet, and Derek is gasping for air, fisting Stiles' hair, unable to do anything but stand there and take it. He leans forward into the door Stiles' back is resting against because he's gone light-headed. 

Stiles' hands grip Derek's ass and pull him forward. If Derek didn't already know that Stiles' gag reflex was pretty much non-existent, he'd have been concerned for his boyfriend, but right now it just makes him fuck his boyfriend's face with a ferocity that he usually keeps under wraps. 

When's about to come, Stiles pulls off, wipes his face off, and leaves the bathroom with a "Don't you dare come."

And Derek can't help but stare at his hard dick hanging out of his parts. His dick throbs as Derek fists it once, before pulling his pants up. He adjusts himself and leaves his shirt untucked. 

The Sheriff raises an eyebrow when he returns to the room, but Stiles is in the far corner talking to Scott in hushed tones. 

The rest of the night is torture. Stiles trails his fingertips down Derek's forearms whenever he gets a chance. He rubs his pert bottom against Derek's barely concealed erection whenever he passes by. Even when there is four feet of space, Stiles will find a way to rub up against Derek and it's driving him crazy. He just wants to kick everyone out, throw Stiles over the back of the couch and plough into him. 

* * *

It gets old really quick. 

Derek hasn't come inside Stiles in months. He hasn't masturbated in ages. He just wants to get off -- and not in the cold way things have been going for the last few months. 

Sure, Stiles does his best and fucks Derek to within an inch of his life at least once a week, but the coldness of the collection tube around his dick definitely puts a damper on his enjoyment of it. All Derek wants is the soft, warm clutch of Stiles' mouth or ass as he comes.

It's not that Derek doesn't support Stiles' scientific endeavors. He does. He wants Stiles to be as unique and weird as he wants to be as long as Stiles is happy. But having to wear a condom so that Stiles can get his supply is getting really old, really fast. 

"Why can't you just use your own come, Stiles! Fuck, I just wanna fuck you." 

"You are, Derek, you're doing me so good, fuckbunny" Stiles moans, pushing back on Derek's dick. 

"I can't feel you, anymore," Derek whines against Stiles' neck. 

"Ugh, Derek, please, just gimme your come. Fuck! come!" Stiles yells as he comes all over his fingers. Derek waits it out as Stiles comes down from his high. He shallowly thrusts inside Stiles, and Stiles gyrates his hips enticingly, and Derek thrusts shallowly until he comes. 

* * *

 

Derek misses Stiles' mouth. 

He misses that thing Stiles does with his mouth and his hands when Derek's coming down his throat.

He misses the way his come tastes, coated around Stiles' mouth. 

He hates the way Stiles' glove covered hands pull at his cock. The way he whispers dirty fantasies into Derek's ear -- things Derek knows will never happen because of that damned book!

He throws it in the trash that day. 

But the next day, there's an Amazon package lying on his doorstep when he comes back home. 

"Oh! you got it!" Stiles says, pressing a kiss to Derek's cheek as he pulls the package out of his hands and rips the cardboard open. 

Derek growls. That night he shreds it and burns it in the backyard. 

* * *

Every time Derek destroys the book. Stiles reorders it. Derek must have spent over three hundred dollars on that damned book. 

He starts small. 

He places roosters on the kitchen window first. He writes out lewd messages and places the folded notes into the books Stiles rereads frequently. 

He prints out barebacking fanfiction from that show Stiles loves.

He writes his own erotic novella with barebacking and cum guzzling. 

Derek just gets fingers carded through his hair every time. So the next time he destroys the book, he deletes his Amazon account and cancels his credit cards. 

But not before he orders one single new book.

* * *

 

Stiles laughs hysterically when Derek hands him the package. 

He stares at the cover for a couple of minutes before he just cackles and cackles like a maniac. 

"I think I got the message, sugarplum," Stiles says, pressing his mouth to Derek's chin.

The recipes in the book are good, but Stiles takes the dust jacket of the book and frames it. He puts it in the kitchen over the stovetop, because sometimes he needs to be reminded. 

Scott gags the first time he sees it. Isaac and Erica burst out laughing, and Boyd just stares at everyone evenly, one eyebrow raised high. 

_'50 ways to eat cock'_

**Author's Note:**

> [50 Ways to Eat Cock](https://www.amazon.com/50-Ways-Eat-Cock-AlternaTips/dp/148259143X/ref=pd_sim_14_6?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=148259143X&pd_rd_r=DRMG85NKN4DRYPP88VE8&pd_rd_w=DR7kb&pd_rd_wg=mBxzV&psc=1&refRID=DRMG85NKN4DRYPP88VE8) is a real book. No lies. 
> 
> Sorry, not sorry.
> 
> Please comment or kudo if you enjoyed this! Thank you for reading this! <3


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